The Madonna Complex and the Modern Indian Woman

Countless times, in daily life, I find myself torn between two completely different identities. And often times I feel like I'm stuck between two boats going in opposite directions with one of my feet in each, trying to not fall down the deep depths of the waters below. I am of course talking about my identities as an Indian woman and as a woman of the modern times. And I don't know if it's just me, but very often, even during day-to-day life, I'm forced to choose between two of these and oftentimes end up compromising one or the other.

The Madonna Complex, given by Sigmund Freud was a completely different concept compared to the one it has evolved to become. You might have heard the terms 'girlfriend material' and 'wife material'. These are associated with Freud's description of the Madonna complex. Nowadays though, the principle of the earlier theory has been taken and involves the categorization of women into two polarizing parameters:  A 'good girl' who follows the rules of society and a 'bad girl' who goes against the norms and 'does what she wants'. Now the problem with this is that you are trying to categorize a person into black-and-white boxes. And that is a ridiculous proposition if there ever was one. A person, a living breathing human being, is an embodiment of so many different ideals, values, and experiences. And the supposed 'opposing forces' both coexist in a person. And I have to warn you, the Madonna Complex is a feministic concept (or rather has been turned into one). So I will be talking about this phenomenon with a major focus on how it affects women with no argument from my side that men might also be undergoing the same thing. At the same time, I will also acknowledge the fact that this mental distortion of judging a woman by placing her into one of the completely polarizing categories has arisen due to prejudice and completely unrealistic expectations placed on women that are not so stringently imposed on men. 

Now, coming to the point of my discourse, I have decided to use the case of the Madonna Complex and apply it to the Indian context. For the purposes of regional accuracy let's call this the Sati Savitri complex. Now in this completely new theory, applying the same principles of the modern Madonna complex, we have two categories of women. One as you might have guessed is a person comparable to Sati Savitri- a paragon of cultural values and an upholder of all Indian ideals. On the other hand, we have the Westernized counterpart- disregarding traditions and making a mockery of all our customs and conventions. Now I ask you- is this a realistic description of you or any woman close to you? Would you agree that any of the females around you fit into these boundaries? The identity of any person is a mix of personas and distinctions that they internalized throughout their lives. And what we think of as black and white is actually a myriad of different shades of grey. 

Society often indulges in its perception of women being, behaving, and looking in a certain way, and any deviation from the standard is so often looked down upon with the woman in question being patronized and ostracized. Now, I ask you again, just because a woman doesn't live up to society's expectations of the ideal, does it automatically mean she doesn't regard the culture she was bought up in? She isn't a woman of ideals and respect for her traditions? Why can't a woman have short hair and yet be a woman of sanskriti? Why can't a woman demand for basic human rights and draw boundaries and yet be a good wife and a good daughter-in-law? Why can't she choose to indulge herself in both of the identities she is stuck between? Why can't a woman speak up her mind or draw boundaries? The idea of a perfect daughter: quiet, conscientious, and obedient, or of a wife: homely, submissive, and completely immersed in service to her family is a notion that is bound to bring nothing but dissatisfaction and resentment. Not following patriarchal rules that suppress the agency of a woman is not a reflection of her character and it is most unreasonable to call her a bad person because of that. 

A woman can be so many things and chaining her to a box is a disservice, not only to her but to the entire society. Letting a person be who they want to be without judging them for it and recognizing the struggle a person is facing, trying to figure out how to balance the different personalities between them in an ever-changing world is the least we can do to let them know we love and support them. Just because a woman chooses to look and be a certain way doesn't take away her culture, her values, and her love for the country. By suggesting so, you are belittling her identity and closing your mind to the vestiges of prejudices and discrimination that preceded us. The contemporary Indian woman is a mix of modernity and antiquity. And yes, we can most definitely pull off doing both.